Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
