Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.

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(310): View more from California

He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what

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(303): View more from Colorado

The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened

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(507): View more from Minnesota

i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on

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(805): View more from California

Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.

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(678): View more from Georgia

We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...

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