I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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