do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
sarcasm needs its own font
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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