also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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