i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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