he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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