In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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