You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
