That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
