You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
