Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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