My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
