U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
