I just saw a hot homeless man
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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