So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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