She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
whose parrot is this?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
