she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dignity is for republicans.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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