I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
