so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
