The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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