i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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