I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
