How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen