non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone