She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...