He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
