this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
