They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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