Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
there was a trapeze. enough said
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
