On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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