Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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