Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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