Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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