After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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