you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
