I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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