what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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