I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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