Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
whose ass print is on the piano?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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