i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
