There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
