Joe is yelling at the trees again.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
