for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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