And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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