if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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