I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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