Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
