dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
