OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
