I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
