everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
