I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
