I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
