im gay
i know
yea but for you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
