That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
