how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
