Whoa Z and x make the same sound
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
