OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
