I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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