you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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