She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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