I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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