all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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