I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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