Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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