Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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